With the help of citrus, spices, flowers, and her golden-doodle Alf, Hayley Williams expresses her journey and battle with depression through her debut solo album, Petals for Armor. As the face of Paramore, Hayley knows how to put on a show, write a hit, and in that became a master at covering up her heavy lyrics with upbeat, colorful, musical textures. But this is not a Paramore album. Petals for Armor is much more unpredictable.
Although we must note that the albums’ sole producer was Paramore drummer Taylor York, guitar credits are given to Paramore guitarist Zac Farrow, and long-time friend of the band’s and Paramore tour-bassist Joey Howard co-wrote seven out of the 15 songs on the album, Petals for Armor is a total Hayley project. Her ability, individuality, and independent thoughts are never questioned, no matter how many times you listen.
Hayley revealed a bit about her depression in the last Paramore album, After Laughter, but said that she put those feelings on pause to tour with the band and have a good time. She came to learn her problems were still waiting for her, unsolved, when she returned home.
“Probably a month after I got home, everything that I had put a pause on before After Laughter came out. It just woke me up one morning and was like, ‘still here.’” said Hayley in an interview with Apple Music’s Zane Lowe. “I was self-sabotaging left and right, and I would joke about it in Paramore songs but it’s not funny to live it. I was ready to stop.” (“I don’t need no help, I can sabotage me by myself,” Paramore, Caught In The Middle.)
Hayley explained that Petals for Armor began as an organic outgrowth of extreme introspection- not all on her own, but with a therapist who encouraged her to write after going through intensive, full-body therapy treatment called EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, designed to resolve unprocessed traumatic memories in the brain.
It is easy to get lost in the experimental pop production of the album, but once you hand over your focus to the lyrics, it’s game over.
“I agonize over my lyrical expression,” said Hayley. “I’m so proud of how these thoughts strung together, I’m proud of the way they sing, I’m proud of the way they feel when I sing them,” Hayley pauses thoughtfully. “It feels like a big responsibility as well...When you feel something, it’s yours. When you offer it, people can run with it...and can you live up to that? To wherever they run to? I don’t know if I will be able to or if it matters, but I think about it.”
Hayley carefully laid out her road to recovery- a road, which she makes clear, is still being traveled- in three parts over the course of the spring. Not one sound or word on this album was included by accident, leading me to believe that neither was its release date or strategy. Putting the album out in the springtime reflects a major theme of the album- flowers and femininity.
Feelings and images that repeatedly came up for Hayley in therapy were “earthy.” Hayley explained, “I kept thinking what it is to me to grow up in a man’s industry, surrounded by men all the time but I’m a woman. How can I just be proud about my feminine sides?”
“Simmer,” the first single released and the opening to the album, begins with the word “rage,” a clear starting point of recognizing the deeper feelings Hayley would present throughout the album. “Simmer'' is murky, with it’s moody bass-line and unsettling soundbites of breath. The bridge of the song takes everything to a halt, while an over-dubbed Hayley lightly orders, “wrap yourself in petals,” making this opening song feel like the perfect overture to an intense string of tunes.
The second song, “Leave It Alone,” was one of the first Hayley wrote for this album. Her voice is light, while the lyrics are heavy. She sings, “Don't nobody tell me that God don't have a sense of humor/ 'Cause now that I want to live, well, everybody around me is dyin'.” Realizing the chilling reality of loving, she sings, “If you know how to love/ Best prepare to grieve.” In the music video paired with the song, Hayley resides in a cocoon, feeling the weight and immobilization of her problems, while foreshadowing her growth.
She also gives a nod to the recurring theme of truth that has followed her since the early Paramore days, in 2007’s “We Are Broken,” singing, “I’ll take the truth at any cost,” 2009’s “Careful” singing, “the truth never set me free so I’ll do it myself,” and finally in 2020, in this very song, singing, “The truth’s a killer but I can’t leave it alone.”
In “Cinnamon,” Hayley sings about being alone in her home: “I’m not lonely, I am Free.” The music video shows camouflaged feelings dancing around her house. First she is chased by her demons, but by the end she is dancing with them. Her feelings can be free at home.
The equally electronic and vulnerable “Creepin’” and “Sudden Desire” follow to end disk one.
Many of the lyrics on Petals for Armor are poetic and metaphoric, while some were simply the honest words that slipped out of Hayley’s mouth in voice mails and old voice memos. At the start of the second disk, the track “Dead Horse” opens with Alf barking in the distance, as a sheepish Hayley apologizes for her delay in sending the track. “I was in a depression,” she explains, “but I’m trying to come out of it.”
Hayley has us on a high with this track, and then pushes the mood back down with “Friends” and pulls it back up again on the Solange/Madonna- esque track “Over Yet.” The jarring shifts in mood on disk two, weakens the album musically, yet strengthens it in the artistic real life interpretation of mental illness. Not to mention, the upbeat tracks give us a hint of Paramore Hayley to jam with.
On the third and most pop-oriented disk Hayley lets us peek into some of her internal realizations. In the light and catchy “Pure Love,” Hayley talks about opening up for the purpose of love. For the first time in the album, Hayley is bringing in another direct main character in her story, singing to a “you” and about a “we,” much more clarified than the “we” sung about in the earlier “Why We Ever.” This extremely small detail is one that shifts the story of Petals for Armor completely in its third act. This strongly segues into the Janet Jackson sounding “Taken,” and then the more chesty “Sugar on the Rim.”
“Watch Me While I Bloom” shows a strong contrast within itself, essential to Hayley’s journey, as the words she sings don't totally match the groovy instrumentals in this almost-closing track. “How lucky I feel, To be in my body again,” Hayley releases these words with a strong push, reminding us slightly of “Idle Worship” on After Laughter, except while those words release frustration, these new words have a sense of relief. It is important to note that Hayley never says that she has bloomed, but recognizes that she is “on the move.”
The closing track, “Crystal Clear,” listens like a requiem with its woozy synths, as Hayley promises she “won’t give in to the fear.” The song flows naturally, the music carrying Hayley’s vocals this time, unlike most of the album where her words help to push along the melodies underneath. Hayley is now marching into the unknown future, wearing petals for armor.
At 15 tracks, the album can feel redundant, but it’s strongest moments help to confidently carry it through to the other side, where enlightenment awaits and music is blooming.